CV pentru Iubire

Inima mea

zefir — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 19:48:44 +0000

Inima mea e la tine, Iubire

Zvacneste in palma-ti micuta si fina

Abia daca poti s-o mai simti cum palpita

Ti-ar zice si ea ,de-ar putea, “Esti di-vina”

Hai vino acum langa mine. Saruta !

Tristeti si zile

zefir — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 19:33:51 +0000

The Day You Were Sad

Jennifer Levin

You find out someone loved you once. You find out that a long time ago someone loved you so much he might have died for you.

You run into an old college friend on an airplane. You get to drinking and talking, and he says, That guy once drank an entire bottle of tequila because he was sure you’d never love him. He had to go to the hospital to get his stomach pumped.

You remember he was awfully cute and that you were good friends for awhile—when was it? Sophomore year? He left and you forgot him for a long time. Looking back, you recognize all the signs, but because you’d never imagined you loved him, you never noticed.

You feel foolish because you miss him.

You remember the day you were sad and he invited you on a drive up the mountain, and you invited your friends to come along. You remember how sometimes he kissed you at parties and you just thought he was drunk and kissing people. How he woke you up early on Sundays by throwing rocks at your dorm-room window, even when he knew you weren’t alone. The way he came by with tea that whole week you had the flu. The way he sat in your desk chair for hours, making you laugh until your stomach hurt. How he never wanted you to sleep.

He was always dating some girl or another, so how were you supposed to know? He broke up with a girl once because she accused him of cheating on her with you. And once, when he was drunk at a party, he kissed you right in front of her. You remember that, at the time, you thought it was funny.

You remember the night he told you that you were beautiful—you were beautiful and you were good—but find you have no idea what else he said that night. It takes weeks to piece it together, to finally remember that you were in the dorms, in someone else’s room. He tackled you on the bed, kissed you all over your face, proclaiming over and over, I love this girl!

You are good, he said. You were very stoned, and he held you and talked in your ear; the music was loud and people were singing along. You forgot he was talking and hummed a little with the song. And I like you, he said.

And you said, What? I wasn’t listening.

And he looked crushed and refused to say anything else.

You attempt to look him up on the Internet, but he has a common name and you’re not sure where he lives. You don’t want to do anything creepy, such as hire a private detective, because that might cause your husband to wonder if there is something wrong with your marriage. But you wonder: If you saw him now? The one who loved you then? You wonder what you would do.

A partial moral inventory leads you to believe you wouldn’t do anything. Seeing him now isn’t the point. The point is what might have happened if you’d known then what you know now. Nevertheless, you imagine running into him. You imagine what he looks like with gray hair. He isn’t actually old enough to be silver-haired, but in your mind this meeting is in the future. You wonder if he’s fat now. You think you’d probably still find him attractive if he is.

You wonder again, out loud, why he never asked you out.

You get mad at him.

You remember he did the kinds of drugs that made you uncomfortable and that he kept this from you, that you found it all out later after he dropped out or transferred or disappeared. Every single one of these thoughts occurs to you while you are driving alone. You sing songs to him from the car radio. You wish there were a word for what he means to you.

You decide he must be married by now. You wonder if he got over his drug problem. You wonder, if he loved you so much, whether he would’ve gotten clean for you, if you’d known to ask. But you already know the answer.

You hope he changed for his wife. You hope he has a wife and that he’s been sober for years. You hope he has kids and a big house and that he takes his family on drives up the mountain. You wonder what he said to you, that night in someone else’s room, when you forgot to listen.

_______________

Jennifer Levin is a writer and editor living in Santa Fe, NM. Her work has appeared in The Iowa Review and THE magazine and is forthcoming in Freight Stories. She holds a BA in creative writing from the College of Santa Fe.

preluat de aici

http://www.readtwelvestories.com/levin1/

100 000

zefir — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 15:46:25 +0000

O cifra seaca in sinea ei. Un numar de privitori ai CV-ului iubirii. Mai exact de ‘priviri’.

N-as fi crezut sa se ajunga la numarul acesta, cel putin nu asa, in ‘pozitii’ initiale, momentul zero perpetuat la nesfarsit.

Ca sa parafrazez doua titluri oricum cunoscute, n-as fi crezut si nu mi-am dorit ca “Jurnalul fericirii” sa se transforme in “Memorialul durerii”, pentru ca orice vorba scrisa aici ma doare si e greu de asternut, greu de simtit si greu de trait.

Sintagma asta preluata de la tine de CV al Iubirii e o povara mult prea grea pentru mine, o duc in mine pretutindeni ca pe o epava…tu esti catargul de care m-am legat Iubire, eu…biet Ulise pe care tu il ‘vezi’ inconjurat si ispitit de sirene…daca ar sti bietele sirene ce ancoreaza in portul asta numit Speranta …ele spera si cauta…cuvinte frumoase pe care sa le auda spuse ce cei pe care ii iubiesc, nu de la mine, eu nu pot vorbi in locul lor si nu le pot tine locul..

Priveam o secventa dintr-un film ,cred recent, despre Iisus, in care Maria Magdalena il ispiteste cu cuvintele “Vino, patul meu e rece” la care Iisus ii raspunde “Inseamna ca inima ta e goala”….

Probabil ca si inima mea e goala sau mai bine zis golita de sperante,multe desarte… tu cauti aici alinare si atat, si tu cauti cuvinte frumoase care sa-ti incalzeasca sufletul…dulce iluzie Iubirea mea, daca tu nu ma cauti si nu ma vrei pe mine, vreascurile din care iti aprinzi focul vor mai arde o vreme…si atat.

Te saruta cel care te iubeste , te-a dorit si te doreste…mai mult de 100 000 de ori si de priviri si de cautari de cuvinte frumoase…

Saruta-ma

zefir — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 07:42:53 +0000

Saruta-mi dorul ars de steaua

Ce am mangaiat-o-n lipsa ta

Cand pe pamant va fi doar neaua

Si-o floare de…nu-ma-uita

Pentru Ea

zefir — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 18:32:12 +0000

Pentru tine e tot ce se intampla, tot zbuciumul, toata iubirea si toata durerea…Daca tu crezi ca n-am incercat totul si nu am dorit totul cu tine atunci te inseli. Nu vreau sa mai “produc” dovezi de iubire…nici sa curga lacrmi de sange sau vorbe care te-at putea rani cu taisul lor …fara voie…adevarul ignorat produce efecte pe care nu le poti anticipa…nici macar dup a atata amar de vreme.

Sa-ti spun ca mi-esti draga si ca te iubesc? Stii prea bine asta, ti-o spu si ti-o repet…ma gandesc mereu la tine si tot ce simt si traiesc mai bine sau mai putin fericit sta sub semnul tau, al numelui tau, al vocii tale, al rasului tau cristalin si atat de natural…al dorintei si sperantei mele ca…poate.

Nu mai depinde de mine…doar tu esti cea care alege sau respinge. Vremea incertitudinilor , a jocurilor si a amanarilor a trecut de mult.

De acum doar neprevazutul ne poate aduce fata in fata, forta oarba a destinului sau…nimeni si nimic…straini in noaptea unei iubiri ca un foc de artificii…

si totusi te iubesc…daca nici iubirea nu mai conteaza si nu ajuta , totul e in zadar…

inima mea e oricum la tine…te rog sa ai mila si grija de ea…

Uitare

zefir — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 15:03:34 +0000

Stiu ca incerci sa uiti. Sa ma uiti pe mine, sa uiti Iubirea, sa traiesti fara sentimente. Inutile. Sa te mulezi pe stilul de viata al robotilor de langa tine, cu inimi de gheata, raniti la randul lor de alte inimi de gheata, razbunandu-se pe propria lor fiinta. Si tu ii crezi si ii urmezi, discipol fidel si cuminte celor ce nu mai cred in Iubire, au aruncat la recycle bin sentimentele. Toate. Inecandu-si amarul si neputinta in munca de zi cu zi, agonizand prin locuri inecate in fum si sordide. Si tu bravezi si ii urmezi. Te alaturi turmei. Nu da bine sa fii contra curentului ca te va arunca la tarm si vei pierde. Bani?Faima?Pozitie sociala?Totul e ipocrizie acolo si tu stii…

Ce-i Iubirea pentru cei ce vor sa parvina in viata calcand peste cadavre, peste propria lor constiinta, inutila.

Te-au pacalit, te-ai lasat pacalit si ti-ai erodat inima ta cea pura care se deschisese, fara sa stie nici ea de ce, mie, cel harazit tie de Sus. Pana sa te aflu n-am crezut ca exista Iubire. Doar ca pe tine memoria si anturajul te-au pacalit, te-au prins in vartejul asta fara noim al stralucirii reci si ispititoare, vremelnice si mincinoase a unui chip cioplit numit…stii tu mai bine cum.

Ma doare povestea pe care mi-ai spus-o atata amar de vreme incercand sa te protejezi, cum ziceai tu.Ma doare si inca ma macina pentru ca am fost in ea, te-am crezut pentru ca am vrut ca inima ta pura sa fie adevarata…am crezut si am suferit la toate intamplarile pe care le-ai nascocit sau,poate, le-ai trait mai mult sau mai putin asemanator, in imaginatia ta sau intr-o viata dincolo de limitele…realitatii. Ma dor si ma macina durerile mele, suferinta mea pentru tine, chinul la care m-ai supus cu buna stiinta sperand,Dumnezeu stie ce,pentru ca tortura asta iti parea un joc, nu credeai ca exista cineva care sa te creada…cu toate ‘petele negre’ din istorisirea ta…iti lasam loc si timp sa depeni mai departe…iar cand te-ai hotarat sa ridici valul,asa…cu jumatati de masura, te-ai afundat si mai tare in carapacea aceea in care sentimentele trebuie tinute ascunse, trairile trebuie mascate iar zambetul…zambetul trebuie sa fie protocolar, ca pentru clientii vremelnici…sau statornici…la care m-ai adaugat si pe mine, 5 minute sau mai putin pe zi, zile lucratoare, alteori nici atat…eu, clientul fara numar si fara firma…creditorul de sentimente…oricami-ul tau de zi cu zi…

Si cu toate astea te-am iubit si te iubesc, desi tu ma faci una cu pamantul de fiecare data cand te ascunzi dincolo de carapacea aceea care nu mai da protectie ci doar dependenta de lipsa de sentimente…fumul unei pauza furate…in doi. Iluzia ca te vei hotari vreodata sa devii 3D.

Te sarut, intr-un hotel nevazut si nestiut decat de noi doi, unde imi promiteai ca ne vom iubi…ca doi nebuni, iar eu iti spuneam ca te vreau pe viata, nu doar o noapte pentru…uitare.

O lebada alba

zefir — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 14:18:24 +0000

Iubireanoastra

Ca un cantec

De lebada alba

Ratacind printre trestii

Ca in poezia

Lui Eminescu

Imensitate

zefir — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 18:18:29 +0000

E atat de mica distanta dintre noi, dintre sufletele noastre…e atat de imensa iubirea mea pentru tine, egala cu o imensa durere si cu o imensa distanta pe care o vezi tu,sau ti-o inchipui…si care, pe masura ce timpul s-a scurs inutil intre noi a sapat o prapastie imensa cat oceanul de lacrimi pe care am incercat sa-l ascund, sa-l imblanzesc si sa-l fac sa mi te aduca cu prima corabie care pleaca din portul inimii tale…oare a ridicat ancora? …va debarca vreodata in portul inimii mele sau doar va flutura in vant o esarfa de…bun ramas?

Imensitatea ar fi devenit palpabila cand tu te-ai fi pierdut, odata cu mine, intr-o imbratisare intensa si adevarata…

Sa-ti mai spun? Iti spune inima mea fara cuvinte…alfabetul Morse a devenit limbajul nostru comun…si totusi

Carari de maci

zefir — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 12:42:25 +0000

Uite ca si altii calatoresc pe carari de maci,baby!

Aveti grija sa nu calcati peste flori…

Margaritare peste petale

zefir — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 16:15:23 +0000

Ploaia acopera genele tale, sarutarile mele culeg margaritarele de pe ochii tai iar ploaia…ploaia ne binecuvanteaza Iubirea

Te sarut, Mireasa mea !

♥